I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
