I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
