I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
