I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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