I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
