i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
