I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
