elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
