How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
