Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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