A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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