New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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