i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
