she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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