I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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