Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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