He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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