my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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