I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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