"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
