Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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