Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
