Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
