if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
