Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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