You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
