so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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