Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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