4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
