Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
