I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
