She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
