My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
40s are totally the cure
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize