Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
