I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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