the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
