I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
