every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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