We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
