You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
