eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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