That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
