oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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