i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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