it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
