He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
