dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
