You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
