Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
