youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
