My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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