so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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