is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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