Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
