Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
