Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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