I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize