just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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