she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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