That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
