Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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