I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the condom got lost in my hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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