R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize