i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
