I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
