well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
