drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
