i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
