I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
